9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
