If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
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