Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
