dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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