I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
