how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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