I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Everclear isn't food dammit
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
