Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
