Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
