i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
