she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
