please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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