I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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