Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
