I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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