I got chris browned last night
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
