smell my finger.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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