wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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