On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
