the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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