I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
