i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
