I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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