Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
