bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she peed on how many people?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
