I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
