Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize