after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
