after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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