But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
