Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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