Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
