Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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