I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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