why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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