Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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