I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
