he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
