He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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