dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
then he tried to convert me to islam
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
