then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
