sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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