Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
