You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
