I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
