so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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