Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
