Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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