this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
