So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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