My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
