Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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