I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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