That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
