Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
