At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
