Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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