my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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