just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
