is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You're like the curious george of whores
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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