Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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