One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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