u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
