Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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