Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
