just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
