woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
