You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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