the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
