dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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