Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize