I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
