Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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