Plan B is the new Plan A
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
