Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
