i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
