Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
