omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
