love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
