idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
