youre lurking in front of me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
