You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
