I love black thongs
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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