T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
