I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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