when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
