You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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