I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
