Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
