There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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