can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
