You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
