First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he fucked my hip out of place.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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