It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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